Some victims of abuse feel like they’ve been “dying” for years, yet they refuse to give up their abusers.
Even after decades of suffering abuse and harassment, they believe they have to stay with the person who choked them, stifled their freedom of expression, stripped them of privacy, and subjected them to emotional, mental, and physical harm, even after the relationship ended.
Victims of intimate abuse often find themselves stuck in a cycle of abuse because they can no longer trust the justice system to provide them with a safe and supportive environment, free of abuse.
Many victims of abuse choose to re-establish a relationship with their abuser because they feel it will give them a chance at a better relationship.
However, many victims of abuse don’t realize the “better relationship” they’re seeking is a safe space in which to abuse their partner, a space that will enable them to continue their cycle of abuse unhindered.
Abusers Need Victims to Complete Their Cycle
The cycle of abuse begins with the initial contact, and lasts for the rest of the relationship until the target of the abuse is “finished”.
This means that once the initial “angry” or “disturbed” approach to the abuse has been achieved, the victim is forced to view the abuser as “good” and the relationship as “safe”.
This ensures the victim’s inner belief that she/he is battling a “dangerous” man who is trying to cause her/him pain, even if the man who assaulted her/himself is a habitual abuser who has been doing this same man for decades.
Victims never see the truth beneath the facade of safety and trust. They believe the love they feel for their abuser is genuine, and they believe the “better relationship” the abusive person could bring them is a safe haven where they won’t be afraid of abuse.
The reality is the opposite: The love your abusive partner pretends to have for you is actually a safe space where they can continue their abuse unhindered.
When you recognize this reality, it becomes clear why victims re-engage with their abuser: They’ve been tricked into thinking the love they feel is genuine, and they’ve been led to believe their life is a “safe” space where they won’t be hurt.
But the truth is abuse is abuse. It’s not something we can choose not to do. It’s something we’re born into our bodies with a purpose.
You can’t force someone to love you.
You can’t force someone to take accountability for their actions.
You can’t force someone to help you or tell you the truth.
The only thing you can do is choose to stay away from someone who harms you.
Why Victims Won’t Give Up
Victims don’t give up because they’ve “had it.” We have had it handed to us on a silver platter many times over, and it takes some guts to admit the plate is too heavy and it’s better to stay away from the person who’s given us so much.
When a victim does finally reach back for the love they’ve been denied their whole lives, they find it’s empty, and it’s time to start the process all over again with a new abuser.
The cycle is never “let’s make up and forget about the past and forget this one person who hurt you.” It’s “let’s make up and forget about the past and forget this one person who hurt me.”
The reason victims don’t give up is because they’re not content.
They’re never satisfied with the “gap” they put between them and their abuser. They’ll sit in this gap for years, even decades, believing they’re never going to be satisfied because there’s always more to cover.
They’re never content because they’re never “good enough” for the love they’ve been denied their whole lives.
They’re never satisfied because there’s always more abuse to escape, for the love they haven’t been given their whole lives.
They might die from it, they might get cancer because they haven’t received the care and treatment they need, and they might live long enough to finally be satisfied for the first time ever that they’re finally okay.
But they’re never satisfied because they never got the “perfect” relationship they wanted because they never got the one they deserved.
How Victims Can Save Their Relationships
Victims don’t realize how unhappy they actually are until they try to make themselves feel better.
When you can’t even be happy with your spouse or boyfriend or girlfriend, how can you expect to be happy in a perfect relationship?
There are a few things you can do to change your mindset and bring your relationship to a successful conclusion.
I’m not going to tell you how to live your lives.
There are plenty of people on this planet, who have lived far better than you have lived,