When it comes to personal growth and personal transformation, there’s one thing I know for certain: I have to start living my truth.
If I don’t live my truth, I’ll forever be treading water.
— Steve Maraboli
When Maraboli wrote that, I had no idea what he was talking about. After all, I’d never dedicated my life to being someone’s opposite or to another person’s benefit. I’d been spending years of my life being someone’s benefit–being a servant, a therapist, a best friend, etc.
I thought he was talking about a personal relationship with God or a higher power.
However, when I realized he was talking about personal growth, I realized I was being led down a path of forgetting to live my truth and honestly making plans in my life.
That was when I realized I was being afraid to be alone.
Maraboli was talking about forgetting to live your truth in a relationship with your partner. When a relationship is good, we might forget to forget to forget. We might forget to ask for what we need. And, when we’re stressed or busy, we might forget to remember that we need it.
When we forget to forget, we miss out on our partner’s love, and that love affects our mood and happiness for a long time.
When we forget to forget, we miss out on our partner’s love, and that love affects our mood and happiness for a long time.
In my case, I missed out on having a healthy relationship and trusting my partner. In the long run, that hurt my self-esteem and self-worth.
Maraboli, a coach who I greatly respect, says it this way:
“We forget the people we have in our lives because we don’t have time to be with them.”
Life is a team game. You either work together or you compete together. If you don’t trust your partner to be on the same team, to do the same work, to live up to their standards, you will never reach your full potential or have the most fulfilling relationships.
When you trust your partner to do the same job you’re doing, to care about your needs, to support you, to fight for you, and to love you, you have a winning combination.
And that’s how you’ll have more fun in your relationships and have more fulfillment.
How to forget to forget in relationships and enjoy more the fulfilled you
I believe there are several steps you can take to forget to forget in your relationships.
And no, it’s not something you need to be ashamed of.
I’ve experienced that feeling of overwhelming forgetfulness before. And, even though it doesn’t last long, it can leave you feeling sad and invalidated.
You might feel as if your partner forgot you existed. Maybe they forgot about the endless nights of fun and laughter you two have had, the endless nights of laughter and fun you two have had, and the endless nights of fun and happiness you two have had.
No? I didn’t either.
What it means is you’ve forgotten that feeling. And, what a strange sensation that is.
It’s like your heart has stopped, your lungs have collapsed, and your heart and mind have been completely removed from your relationship.
It can leave you feeling sad, frustrated, angry, lonely, confused, and, oh yeah, invalidated.
And, yes, this is totally normal. After all, it’s the first time in your life.
What you need to do instead is embrace the fact that this isn’t normal. This is something you should not feel. This is something you should not feel ashamed of feeling.
You feel it’s normal to miss out on so many things because your partner forgot to do it.
You feel it’s normal to be unhappy when you can’t see your partner for a few days or weeks because they forgot to pick up your dry cleaning or to take the trash out.
You feel it’s normal to be upset that your partner forgot to cook for you or to clean the bathroom when they forgot.
Marital relationships are meant to be normal. We shouldn’t feel ashamed of feeling the normal things, like sadness, frustration, impatience, and anger. And we certainly shouldn’t feel ashamed of remembering these normal things.
So, let’s cut the guilt trip by moving this feeling to the forefront.
You feel it’s normal to take out the garbage when you know your partner forgot to do it.
You feel it’s normal to take out the garbage when you’ve made a promise you made together.
You feel it’s normal to take out the garbage when you know the other person has forgotten to do it.
You feel it’s normal to take out the garbage when you’ve made a promise you’ve committed to making.