Many tools are available to women who want to end a romantic relationship. However, when it comes to men, there is a different one. Since the vast majority of us have been given this “narcissistic abuser” image in our heads, it is hard to imagine meeting someone without that image.
Nowadays, I think it is safe to say that most people that are in healthy relationships recognize that sometimes their partner may have an affair. The problem is that the term “affair” is somewhat subjective. I am sure that you could find many couples that have an “affair” but would that be a healthy relationship? That is for you to say.
Here are some things you could look for to see if this is a healthy relationship or not:
- Are you really on the same page as your partner? Can you agree on things? Is there a way you can both get their needs met without each other? If you are on the same page you could both spend time being mothers and be there for your children. It is very hard to be away from your partner and be hard on the children. It is even harder to be on the same page and not be able to communicate.
- Does your partner make his or her own choices? Or do they dictate what your partner does? If they do not make their own choices, this can be a sign you may be on different pages. Your partner may want you to do something that you know you do not want to do. You may find that what your partner wants you to do is different than what you want to do. Don’t just go with the flow, ask why. Don’t just do something because they ask. Be prepared that they want the same things you do.
- Does your partner try to control you? Sometimes a control freak will come into a relationship and that is the end result. They try to make you do things that you don’t want to do. They should not be in your life.
- Do you always listen to their wishes or tell them what to do? When you have someone in your life that you love but you know wants to do what is best for them, but you are not sure how to do, you may say or do what they want without considering your thoughts. This is one of the most common problems in relationships. One partner thinks the other should just know. He or she dictates what the other should do. This can create an obligation to react in certain ways, which can sometimes be unintended and have dangerous results.
- Do you feel your partner should really be your focus in life? Is your relationship should really more important than your friends, family, your hobbies, your work, and your job? If you are primarily focused on your relationship and your relationship only, it can lead to some serious consequences. When you are primarily focused on your relationship and your relationship only, you often find yourself made to feel less important in your relationship. And that is not good for anyone.
- Do you feel your partner should really be your goal? If you are primarily thinking about your relationship and how you can make your relationship better, then the goal will become to outcompete your partner in some way. That is bad news for a relationship because you will focus too much on each other and lose sight of the bigger picture.
- Do you expect your partner to be there for you 100% of the time? When you have needs, are you looking for your partner to be the first person to rescue you, the first person to help you, the first person to help you when you are broke and have no money? If you are not safe with your partner this should be a red flag. They should be there for you, not a first responder. They should not neglect their other relationship to take care of you either. They should not be your only source of support either. You should not have to beg your partner to do anything they are not willing to do. They should not be the only one you call when you need help.
- Do you expect your partner to be your only source of support? If you are responsible for most of the financial and social activities in your life, such as your home maintenance, your children’s schools, and your jobs, then you have given permission for your partner to be your only source of support. Now it is not always true that we need our partners 100% of the time. But if you are unable to do the simple tasks, and especially the major tasks, of household administration, or you have no interest in doing them, your partner should be able to step up.
- Do you demand absolute loyalty? Some people demand absolute loyalty, where they expect to be let in and get the whole of you to limit to themselves. They will have doubts even if you talk to someone of the opposite gender.