Resentment is a mix of feelings — anger, hurt, sadness. It’s a mixture of things we’re attracted to and things that repulse us. Who we’re attracted to gets us mixed up with other people and gets us angry. But you can get over it too.
It’s Not Your Fault
You’re not supposed to be angry with someone and not want to be friends with them. That’s not fair.
It’s not your fault that you’re repulsed by their appearance, their behavior, their personality, their decisions or that you judge their actions by your limited understanding of right and wrong.
It’s your fault that you’re angry and want them to leave you alone.
You’re the one who’s in the wrong, people. Just stop trying to be the person you think other people want you to be.
If they stop being the person you want them to be, respect the fact that they’re no longer interested in you. Maybe they never were interested in you and now you get what you want — time together as a friend. Good for them.
You Cannot Easily Change Your Partner
It’s true that you can’t make someone else behave any way that you want them to. But you can make yourself change to fit the way others behave.
If you’re a very touchy-feely person, it’s hard to imagine you’ll ever be able to put your foot down about what you want. But how can you expect to be any good at dating when you can’t even get your partner to change for you?
You’re meant to challenge and strive to be better than you were yesterday. That’s what you’re supposed to do. And if you’re frustrated that you can’t keep up with the changes you need to make? That’s okay. You’ll find another partner and try again.
But no one can change you. Not even yourself.
So if you want to date someone else who’s much more touchy-feely, that’s fine. But be aware that even if you find a partner, it’s unlikely you’ll be able to change your partner.
You’ll need to approach this change from the outside looking in. You’ll want to see how they move through their day, how they spend their time, how they respond to other people, etc.
Even if you meet someone who accepts you exactly where you are, it’s unlikely that they’ll be able to change their behavior. You can try to change their behavior, sure. But you’ll need to be changing them, not them alone.
So if you’re looking for someone to take your relationship to the next level and give you the emotional and physical intimacy you’ve always dreamed of, you need to start by seeing your partner as an individual who comes with his or her own unique requirements.
This individual should be someone you can be yourself with, but there are certain things you should still do for them.
No one is perfect. But over-policing and judging one another is never going to bring two people together.
(If it does, it’s probably because you’re being over-eager and over-critical.)